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Editor's Note: Every Monday, Lori Gottlieb answers questions from readers about their problems, big and small. Have a question? Email her at dear. I'm in a loving, long-distance relationship with my boyfriend.

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I am an expressive and emotional qith who loves affection and attention, and while kentucky swingers personals will tell me he loves me freely, he is a reserved person who is just not wired to be very demonstrative.

It does mean a lot to know he wants to help, but I want him to figure out how best to support me—both because I would love if he were more solicitous and because it would reduce his stress as a partner to someone in my boyfriend is not in love with me. How do we live this issue in a positive, active way?

Do you have specific advice you could give him on being a supportive partner to somebody in an emotional crisis? One bogfriend I tell many couples when they first come in for therapy is that the more one person believes that his or her partner should be different, the less initiative he or she will take to change things.

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Most people come in making a case for why the other person needs to improve. That never helps.

Your response is to try to get him to perform certain behaviors that conform to your ideas about romance; in doing so, you set up him up for failure and yourself up for disappointment. It will be hard for you to know how much of your dissatisfaction is about this relationship, specifically, until you understand more about your loneliness, depression, and anxiety.

It might be helpful for you to sort through ib of these feelings with a therapist, so that you shift the dynamic in the relationship from one in which you often find your boyfriend wanting a futile cycle to one in which you start to get my boyfriend is not in love with me about what love, and by extension romance, means to you.

Does it mean that his way of giving and receiving iz looks exactly like yours, and that if you love someone, you can control the way that person loves you back? Does it mean that your desires take precedence over his?

You might also consider: Some might call that romantic. Are you showing appreciation not just for what he does for you, but for who he is?

Do you communicate your delight in him hot ways that matter to him and not in ways that you prefer affection to be shown? Or maybe they were sufficiently demonstrative and romantic, but left you feeling disappointed in other key ways.

At this point, you have a wonderful opportunity—to learn more about this void.

But whatever you learn about yourself in this process will help you to feel less depressed, anxious, and lonely—both independently and with any partner you choose. Dear Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

We want to hear what you think about this article. Submit a letter to the editor or write to letters theatlantic. Bianca Bagnarelli.

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